Letter to My Twenty-One Year Old Self
The note below is included in an incredible collection of 270+ heartfelt letters written by women from around the world to their former selves in Postcards from Tomorrow. The project is the brainchild of the indomitable innovator, Kim Chandler McDonald, and money raised goes towards Lou’s Place, Sydney’s only drop-in centre for women in crisis.
Dear Bem,
You know how your father told you to avoid full-time employment when you left Cambridge? Be grateful, because you’ll never get the chance to thank him. People you think will live forever never do, but their words will remain with you, like pressed flowers in the pages of your book. Love those people with all your being and listen to those words as they become more nuanced with the years. You have many guides on the road ahead.
‘Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…’
Of course you have options. You can join a band or join a bank. Don’t pity those friends of yours who joined the bank. They, too, can change their course at any time. And you, too, will need to choose between your ideals and your pragmatism on occasion. But keep the freedom your father relinquished as your inheritance. Never feel owned by anybody or any entity. And remember your French lessons (s’il te plait). There are two words for power – le pouvoir (for outer power) and la puissance (for inner, poetic power). THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. The world trades in the tired and obvious vestiges of outer power, but inner power trumps the odds any time. You’ll have this in spades and you’ll need it to shovel through the dirt that others will throw at you. This inner power will become so strong it glows. People won’t know where you got it from – so hold it close at all times like your jewel and your weapon, and never make a trade with its shadow.
And you know how you want to be a rock star right now? Okay, you might not be a musical rock star (even though your voice is beautiful – please don’t take offence.) But you will be a rock star in so, so many ways – most of all when you’re giving something back to the world. As you grow older you’ll get an utterly profound, overwhelming sense that you’re part of a cosmic whole. (Spoiler alert – you’ll learn to meditate, and you’ll be grateful on countless occasions for the many blessings that follow – for the puissance, perfection, creativity, coherence and beautiful life that emerges from this singular gift.) That desperate seeking and the angst of not knowing will fade away. And you won’t need to go chanting and dancing at the Hari Krishna’s temple in Soho any more!
Another spoiler alert: you’ll end up, most unexpectedly, working in a university of all places. How, you might ask? Well that’s a long story but keep learning just in case it’s useful! And if you ever find learning overwhelming, go back to the Upanishads – remembering that there are many knowledges but only one knower. Focus on the knower.
And as for love, don’t waste your time waiting for the perfect partner. The secret is in being and becoming the perfect partner.
Now this is a bit harsh, but we need to talk about gender. There’s a film I’d like to replay for you. You’re sitting with Dr Sue Benson at New Hall College Cambridge and telling her that you’ve never found your gender to be any disadvantage whatsoever. She tells you: “Bem, did you know that there’s one woman to every four men at Cambridge?” You ignore her (your optimism is charming, and hope is a virtue that will be your hook in the sky when discrimination tries to kick you into the pits.) But are you hearing what she tells you next? LISTEN CAREFULLY. “Come back and see me once you’ve had kids, Bem.”
You may try and revisit Dr Benson once you’ve had kids, but she’ll no longer be alive. So be gracious and grateful for the lessons you’ve learned, even before you’re ready to learn them. And make sure you pay it forward by sharing those lessons in the future.
You have my love and trust and faith. We’ll be re-united before too long as one cosmic whole!
Your loving, older, ever-youthful self XX
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